


drivers license

by sungieplum



Category: NCT (Band), We Go Up - NCT Dream (Music Video)
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:55:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28710051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungieplum/pseuds/sungieplum
Summary: Mark lets go. Like he always did, years ago.A fic inspired by Olivia Rodrigo’s “drivers license”.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 10





	drivers license

**Author's Note:**

> this one’s for the theys! it’s been so long since i wrote a one shot.

Mark breathes out, fighting the pain making its way to his already broken heart. It’s rather difficult, considering that the one who gets him out of these situations is the one who has put him in this very affliction. 

_**I got my driver's license last week** _

_**Just like we always talked about** _

_**'Cause you were so excited for me** _

_**To finally drive up to your house** _

_**But today I drove through the suburbs** _

_**Crying 'cause you weren't around** _

“Mark?” That voice. God, that voice. That honey texture voice. It’s always been so calming, so peaceful. Mark thinks he could cry. And he does. 

A pair of arms hold him, like they always did, at these times. They enveloped him like he’s smaller (he usually isn’t), and he lets them. Their warmth makes Mark cry again, and a soft hushing silences him. The caress on his hair is calming as well, and it takes a bit of willpower to stop himself from closing his eyes. 

“Love?” 

“Mhm?” they hummed, and Mark feels gentleness and peace like he had never felt before. He hugs them tighter. 

“I appreciate you. Really.”

Mark feels them kiss his head. “No big deal, darling.”

A pause. 

“I love you,” they whisper. Mark’s tears threaten to spill again. “I’d always take care of you.” 

_**And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one** _

_**And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone** _

_**Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me** _

_**'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street** _

Always. It seems so scary, fully depending on someone. Expecting to be there at all times. But Mark trusts them. If they say they’ll be there always, then they will be there. 

“To a happy us,” they say, as they toast for that night. It’s been a year since the two of them got together; Mark smiles. Someone actually stayed. For him. 

Their smile, it’s been the brightest it ever shone. Like a star, but Mark guesses it makes sense. They’re the sun after all; the brightest star. 

_**And all my friends are tired** _

_**Of hearing how much I miss you but** _

_**I kinda feel sorry for them** _

_**'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do** _

_**Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs** _

_**And pictured I was driving home to you** _

And just like every other star, once they shine their brightest, they dim. 

Mark isn’t dumb. He’s a pretty clever person, rational. He’s in control of his emotions. He’s patient. He’s kind. 

“You said you loved me.” 

“I did,” they say tiredly. Even Mark feels the fatigue. But of what? Him? 

Suddenly, he feels scared. Are they tired of him? He can’t have that, they’re the only one he had. 

“Still?” 

This was asked softly. As if he’s afraid to hear the answer. And yes, he is. It’s always been them; he can’t afford losing them. 

There was no answer. Instead, a smile is thrown his way. “Dinner’s ready.”

That’s it, then. 

_**And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one** _

_**Oh, and I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone** _

_**I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me** _

_**'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street** _

“You loved me?” 

They sigh. It’s not the last time they’ll hear the question, but maybe it would be. Mark reckons probably. “Yes,” they answer anyway— and there’s that tiredness again. 

However, this time, it makes the both of them. “Still?” Mark asks, and they look at him fondly. Softly. 

Mark almost breaks. Almost. 

“Still,” they say, and Mark should be happy, but he can’t do anything but cry. He shouldn’t— he doesn't want to cry, but his eyes betray him. They don’t though, and places themself beside him. Their arms ready to protect him again. But this time, they can’t. 

Mark sniffs, his heart breaking on what he’s about to do, but he knows it’ll break even more if he doesn’t. 

Mark hates the universe. It gave him the brightest, biggest star; only to take them away at the end. 

“I did too,” Mark hiccups, his hands covering his face. “I still do.”

They look at him gently, confused, and Mark cries more. He wipes his tears with the back of his hand. “But I know you don’t. Not anymore, at least.” 

“Mark…” 

“I’ll always love you,” he says. “But you won’t, so I’m letting you go.” 

_**Red lights** _

_**Stop signs** _

_**I still see your face** _

_**In the white cars** _

_**Front yards** _

_**Can't drive past the places** _

_**We used to** _

_**Go to** _

_**'Cause I still fucking love you, babe** _

Mark moves on. He thinks he has anyway, until this earlier. It has been his choice. Not fully, but it’s still his. 

He shouldn’t be as hurt like this. Locking himself away in his car, hiding from the rest of the world? Ha. Laughable. 

But he is hurt. Still. 

Meeting him, just merely seeing him from a distance opened wounds, ones that he can’t heal by his own. Or he can, but chooses not to. 

Mark breathes out for the second time. He’s shaken, angry at himself now. It’s always been his choices, isn’t it? It’s always them that hurt him. 

But then, if he didn’t make his choice, it would be unfair. He’s not cruel. To himself, maybe he is, but he can’t be cruel to them. He loves them. 

Still. 

And if letting go made them happy, he’d gladly do it again. 

_**Sidewalks** _

_**We crossed** _

_**I still hear your voice** _

_**In the traffic** _

_**We're laughing** _

_**Over all the noise** _

_**God, I'm so blue** _

_**Know we're through** _

_**But I still fucking love you, babe** _

“Mark?” 

That voice. That honey texture voice. He turns toward his window, a familiar face greeting him. 

Honey-colored skin, glowing as if they’ve been kissed by the gods themselves, their moles scattering all over bare skin that shows, as if the marks has been glitter. 

They’re devastatingly beautiful, and Mark lets out a breath he’s been holding in. 

He opens his car and they welcome themself, a bright smile on their face. Like the star they’ve always been. 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” they said, painfully awkward. 

And this hurts Mark, because weren’t they the most comfortable have he ever had? 

It’s mental how a silly emotion changed their relationship, turning them back to complete strangers. 

And they might’ve felt this, because their smile turns softer. They place a hand on his own, one that clutches the wheel tightly.

Just like the old times, he relaxes. 

He always does, when they’re near. “I missed you.” 

“I do too, sweetheart,” they say softly. Mark knows it’s genuine. They’re always genuine. 

Mark smiles sadly at them. “Are you happy?” 

“Always have been,” they answer, glancing at the apartment he came out. 

Mark breathes out again. “Okay. That’s good. Very.” 

“I owe it to you, sweetheart.” 

Mark looks at them, teary-eyed. He hates how he’s so weak when it comes to them, but it’s always been inevitable. They’re his kryptonite— he’s most vulnerable with them.

They smile gently, wiping his tears away. “I did love you, though. Still do.” 

“Still?” he asks, and it sounds childish. They didn’t say anything. “But not the same way I do, then?” 

Their smile turns sad. “I wish it was,” they answer, and Mark knows. 

It’s over. Ages ago, even. 

_**I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one** _

_**And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone** _

_**Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me** _

_**'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street** _

_**Yeah, you said forever now I drive alone past your street** _

“Hyuck,” he says, his voice raspy. The name feels foreign in his tongue, it’s been so long since he called them that. “It’s always you. You know that, right?” 

Hyuck smiles cheerlessly. “Mark…” they start, but Mark cuts them off. 

“I’m not forcing myself on you, Hyuck.” He holds their hand tentatively, but holds it tighter when they let him. “But I’m here for you. Always.”

Even if it hurts, Mark thinks, but he doesn’t say. He doesn’t want them to feel guilty even more. 

Mark receives a grin, and a soft kiss on the forehead. “I know.”

Mark nods, lets Hyuck go. Like he did, years ago. 

It really is over. 

[fin.](https://curiouscat.qa/awitsung)

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if u like it!


End file.
